Hoaxes and Urban Legends

• The Worst Virus Ever. Sorry, there isn't a doomsday virus out there. There are almost 70,000 computer viruses and many of them are bad. But there's always an e-mail claiming a horrible new virus is poised to delete your files, destroy your computer and - worst of all - Symantec and McAfee have no cure for it. CNN, AOL or IBM probably made some statement about it, according to the e-mail. Sometimes, there's a signature at the end of the e-mail adding some form of legitimacy to the warning. Some of the messages even provide instructions for you to delete files from your computer yourself. Isn't that clever? You're your own virus! Please, folks - just be sure you have quality antivirus software installed, and keep it up-to-date. There are links to quality software to help you with this all over my web site.
• The Sick or Kidnapped Child. The world is populated with thousands of sick children, and the news reminds us every day that children are sometimes the victims of crime. You may occasionally receive an e-mail "Urban Legend" telling about a family's desperate plea for help in saving their child. The e-mail occasionally contains a picture, and almost always an instruction to pass it along - because AOL and CNet are tracking the message and donating money for each person you forward it to. Seems like a nice thing to do, right? Don't be fooled. If you take nothing else from this whole "Hoax" section of my web site, remember at least this: NOBODY CAN TRACK YOUR E-MAIL TO SEE WHOM YOU'VE FORWARDED IT TO. In other words, no one is getting anything every time you send something. See the next section for more on this. Generally speaking, the sick or kidnapped children don't exist, or at best have long-since been cured or found. After all, the rest of the message is fake - why should the child be real? There have been legitimate e-mail messages circulating regarding real children. However, most (if not all) of these begin circulating long after the actual events depicted in the message have passed. If you really want to help a child in need, donate or volunteer at organizations like Kinship Partners or some other local community service.
• The Pop-Up Gift Certificate. Let me reiterate something for everyone's benefit: Nothing will happen - good or bad - if you forward your e-mail to any number of people. The only thing you'll ever be likely to receive for passing along a stupid e-mail hoax is a semi-scathing letter from someone like me reminding you not to pass around garbage. Just so there's no misunderstanding, here's what I'm saying: if you want an Applebee's gift certificate, you'll need to purchase one at Applebee's. Bill Gates does not have a check waiting for you. Everything else that claims to have a freebie waiting for you and your friends if only you'd help spread the news... False.
• Get Rich Quick. I continue to receive (and delete) the occasional e-mail reminder that I can amass great wealth quickly and easily by following some simple instructions. These rate right up there with the "Satisfy her in bed..." and "Hundreds of Teen Web Cams" messages in terms of scam-factor. No one needs your money or dignity more than you do, and to preserve both, simply delete - rather than pass along - messages suggesting that you too can join the ranks of the financial tycoons by adding your e-mail address to a list and waiting for the cash to roll in. This also applies to web sites with too-good-to-be-true foundations. They harvest e-mail addresses for spammers - relying on real people to provide millions of valid "sucker" e-mail addresses. Only real work pays dividends - even in the point-and-click industry.
• The Amazing Story! Remember the picture of the guy at the top of the World Trade Center right before the plane hit? Or how about the picture of the supersized cat that lives near the nuclear power plant? There was even a good photo of a diver being pulled from the water by a helicopter as a giant shark flew from the water to take a bite out of him. All of these - and many more - are touched-up photographs with an amazing story attached. The hoax is in the photo editing and the fantastic story. The amazing part of these is that people continue to pass them around as truth.
• Imminent Danger. Speaking of truth, I don't know if this is good or bad, but I'm old enough to remember the big Tylenol scare back in the early 80's, and a Pepsi scare not long after. For those who don't remember what the threat of cyanide* in your Tylenol did to us, it's the reason you can't get a bottle of ANYTHING open without a knife and pliers to rip through the tape and safety seals. Those of us old enough to remember the Tylenol scare with me may also recall that there was not one confirmed case of legitimate Tylenol tampering. But there sure were some well-compensated "victims." On a side note, I wonder if the world realizes that margarine companies don't employ that glued-on "inner safety layer!" Here's my beef: No one is out there squirting people with ether from a perfume bottle and stealing wallets. There aren't any aids-covered hypodermic needles in the coin returns of pay phones. And if there were such threats in the world, and you don't know better than to jam your hands into something without looking first, or if you're fool enough to take up an offer to buy knock-off perfume from three crack-whores in a Chevette, you deserve everything coming to you! Please don't insult others' intelligence by passing along idle warnings about stuff we should know better about.
• The Precious Letter. This one isn't a hoax. It's usually an e-mail that people who care about each other pass along to other people to show they really, really care about you. Do you know who sends these little cuties around? People who generally don't do anything else to show they care than to forward these stupid e-mails! If you really, truly want to demonstrate your care for someone else, lick a stamp and send them something tangible. Take five minutes out of the day to call them. Send them a message that you personally took the time to write. Spend time with them personally - share a hobby, an event or an activity you enjoy. It will mean much, much more than just another forwarded message of goodwill.

*It was cyanide (and not arsenic) found in a bottle of Tylenol back in the early 80's. Thanks go to the investigative research provided by the good folks at SammyLand.