Sunday 117, January 12, 2003

Surviving Church Hurt -- Spiritual Abuse

 

"Abuse in the church is because of continuing un-repented sin in leadership."

 

Scripture readings:

Proverbs 12; Jude; 1 Peter 5

A prayer we don’t hear enough–we don’t say enough:

Ps 69:6 May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty;

may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel.

The Roman Catholic church has been hit by charges of abuse: child abuse of the most disgusting kind. But it is not limited to the Catholic church. We all have knowledge of some pastor or religious leader someplace who has taken advantage of their position of power to abuse a parishioner. We also know too many times where the hierarchy of the church then tries to continue to sweep the problem under the rug.

We could all name names. And so many of the perverts continue to "minister."

Abuse is when a person in authority or with greater power (real or perceived) imposes their will, their desires, their deviant behavior upon a victim usually to reinforce their desire for control. Therefore, when a church has established or tolerated an environment of cultic behavior, it usually goes down the path towards abuse of some kind and almost always, spiritual abuse.

Because of news and sometimes personal experience, we know about child abuse or sexual abuse. Most of the time they include physical abuse but can also include mental torture. This is closer to what spiritual abuse is. The term came into existence because the abuse was identifiable with classic symptoms, but the source was from a "spiritual" environment. Some will question the reality of it–others who have counseled or experienced it have no doubt.

CONSIDER THE SITUATION

Religion is supposed to provide insight into our relationship with God (or god, or no-god). In most religions, there is reward for good behavior and some even have punishment for bad behavior. This "behavior" is defined by God–but in most religions, God is abstract and unseen. "Behavior" is dictated by the local representative who somehow speaks for God–interpreting what pleases God and what does not please Him.

In a cultic environment, the only "correct" understanding of what God wants is received from the leader. This has frequently been reinforced in the Christian church with the practice or understanding that only the pastor hears from and understands what God wants. Priests were the only ones who understood Latin; clerics were the only ones who could read; preachers are the only ones trained in theology; cultic leaders limit input to their flock by telling them what they can read and what they can’t read. I have heard it: "Don’t read a book unless I tell you its okay." Take it to the logical next step and all "sheep" can’t understand what God wants until the "shepherd" tells them what it is. Then, everything he says is what God wants–who would dare disagree without risking losing their own soul.

This results in all sorts of ridiculous situations and even some abominations from dress codes (ushers will wear ties) to mandatory sexual relations with the leader. Why would a teenager submit to homosexual relations with a priest if he wasn’t convinced the priest determined whether his soul could go to heaven or not? Why would a woman have an affair with a holiness preacher if she had not been taught that he-himself was the actual and only source of holiness? This is spiritual authority imposing unwanted behavior on a "less powerful" victim. This is abuse.

It is spiritual abuse because the perceived basis of the authority or power is spiritual in nature and the potential threat is to the victim’s soul.

RESULTS OF ABUSE

"Just shake it off. It doesn’t matter. Besides, you have to learn to submit. You must obey your religious leaders." This mis-representation of authority in the church has left a toll–a deep wound–that sometimes takes generations to heal.

Textbooks and training have revealed the tell-tale signs of child abuse or sexual abuse. Doctor’s are required to report signs of spouse or child abuse. Teacher’s watch the behavior of children and can identify an abusive situation. But in the church, what happens? Some who have studied spiritual abuse have noticed a similarity in behavior to victims of incest.

This may come as a surprise, but church is about people, not pastors and their programs. Pastors are supposed to be servants -- slaves -- of the people in a church. Symptoms of a person, or people, who have experienced spiritual abuse include:

Legalism based on performance

The common person cannot possibly be religious enough in a spiritually abusive environment. The Gifts of the Holy Spirit are only for leadership. Only a trained theologian has the knowledge and common people are expected to perform to make the leader look good. Church attendance is required to show how good the leader is. The people’s function is to make the leader look good. Bragging rights are important.

Matt 23:4 They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

Lack of joy in salvation

Freedom of salvation is replaced by constantly seeking approval of the religious leader. Church is a chore. You don’t want to go. It is a dangerous place, but you also have immense guilt if you stay away. In fact, if you miss church, your soul in damned–it is sin.

Fear

Typically immature Christians, the victims of spiritual abuse, don’t know enough about Christianity to know that this is wrong. They fear for their salvation. And the perpetrator will not equip them to know better and there is apparently no other source of information. A healthy fear of God (a good idea) is replaced with fear of mere man and God seems to be on the other side of that man.

WE ALL COME INTO THE KINGDOM LIKE A CHILD – INFANT, IMMATURE

Matt 18:3-5 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

Now look at the abuse; the "causing" to sin.

Matthew 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. [also Mark 9:42; Luke 17:2]

We are not just talking about children here, but about those who are just entering the Kingdom of Heaven (like a child). Infants, the immature, are vulnerable to spiritual abuse. A mature saint who has devoured the Word of God and relies on the teaching of Holy Spirit should not be conned into tolerating a spiritually abusive environment. However, I have seen it. But usually it is where the "saints" decided to hire their ministry, rather than do it themselves. Maybe that was the "immaturity."

The environment for spiritual abuse does not teach righteousness. The leaders do not apply righteousness to their personal lives. And they keep their victims as spiritual infants.

Heb 5:13-14 Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

GETTING KICKED OUT

3 John 9-10 I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. 10 So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.

Diotrephes is trying to be the controlling leader and fits the classic cultic formula–even to the point of kicking people out of church who disagree with him. The Apostle is going to fix that situation.

WORMING

2 Tim 3:1-9 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth-men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. 9 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.

It is interesting that Paul noticed that these false teachers have a connection with women who have a continual problem with sin. Wanting to learn but never learning. But they are still in the church. Institutionalized immaturity taken advantage of by a false apostle.

THE DEFENSE

The environment for spiritual abuse exists because of un-repented sin in leadership. If it is "cultic" your criticism of it will be considered "sin" and you will be slapped with scripture about the plank in your eye. As if your own guilt somehow makes their sin go away. When confronting sin, make sure you have done your homework – letting Holy Spirit work on you – so that Satan does not have a platform to stand in your life. That is what the "plank-in-your-eye" thing is about. Not a justification for never confronting sin, otherwise, why was Matthew 18 written.

Matt 7:3-5 [Luke 6:41-42] "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

A "cultic" environment is not necessarily sinful–just un-scriptural–and tends to keep people from maturing in Christ–maybe that is indeed SINFUL. But spiritual abuse is unquestionably sin and typically leads to sexual sin by leadership.

GET AWAY

Matthew 18 tells us to treat un-repented people as a pagan or Publican. In other words, stay away from them.

Jude 22-23 Be merciful to those who doubt; 23 snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear- hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

1 Cor 5:11-12 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?

In other words, take action and get away from it. Flee. 1 Tim 6 describes an abusive environment–what the abuser wants. Timothy was told to flee.

1 Tim 6:11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

GET THE WORD

James 1:21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Heb 5:13-14 Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

If the spiritual environment you are in is not encouraging you to read the word of God for yourself, it is a potentially spiritual abusive place. If you personally do not have the initiative to study the Word of God, you are setting yourself up for a potentially spiritually abusive situation –and you will not even know it.

TIME

The books say it takes much time to recover from spiritual abuse. Art Katz states, "You cannot be exposed to untruth and come away unscathed." There will always be scars. But Holy Spirit is our comforter as well as our only teacher. We have been blessed by having the Word of God. By immersing ourselves in it, we will rediscover our best friend, Jesus, the healer.

When we see the abused and minister to the abused, remember the pit we have been dragged through. Love conquers all.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

INDEX

 

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Worship Notes from Year 2002

Worship Notes from Year 2001
Worship Notes from Year 2000
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But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today,
so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 3:13 NIV